I had a sleepless night last night... not cause I had too much fun (️) but because I was wide awake considering the incredible transformation that has occurred for me, over the last 3 years. I have decided to share it with you, because shame is what keeps us feeling isolated and miserable, and because I am grateful to now be in an intimate and gentle relationship with myself. And because it's what inspires me to give to the many people I connect with weekly.
Warning ️It's long, but read on if you wish.
I am learning to inject gentleness in my words, actions, intentions. And with this process, I am gently re-discovering who I am.
It has been a difficult, tumultuous and long road towards self-acceptance.
I see it clearly now: in my teenage years and early adulthood I had so little self-love I was always reaching out for approval, I was always doubting myself, I was playing small, I was constantly refraining myself from trying what I dreamed to do, I was scared, I couldn't receive love or even a compliment, I was sure to be incapable of realising what I envisioned.
I was stuck, and stagnating in my own shadow.
My self-confidence was already pretty low. But somehow I found myself trapped in a destructive abusive relationship, from which I came out weaker than ever, with quasi inexistent self-esteem and with a new poison controlling me: a binge eating disorder. 🖤
At 25, I finally had the courage to leave and free myself from this disaster. But I was completely lost, disconnected. I was extremely fragile, with absolutely no connection to my body, or my heart.
Over the years of dedicated Yoga practice, lots of great help from psychologists, kinesiologists, support from amazing friends, with dance and TM meditation and a huge amount of self-discipline, I gradually decided to forgive myself for the harm done, and committed to re-learning to know and accept myself. Cause deep inside, I had this burning intuition, which would show at random times (listening to Jazz, kissing someone, savouring a meal, seeing a shooting star...) proving me that life was meant to be much brighter, and that I deserved to live La Vie fully. - 11 months ago