.. as a woman. i am entitled to have my moments of, "that was uncalled for. why couldn't you be different?" when i have a flashback. now i'm looking over my shoulder w/a side eye in a space that was never supposed to have a reason for one. i wish i could say i'm over the IT completely, but i is not. i's ain't. and that calls for bad grammar. maybe i wanted perfect. but my perception of perfect is simple: SOLD OUT. wasn't on the menu for me, unfortunately.
people type cast, you know? they have a certain person style they dig. most men like the tiny petite, short n' sweet. and everyone is entitled to live in that. my type is, genuine, heartfelt, sincere, honest, faithful, sold out, timeless, precious and accountable. i am 5'8", which i'm still bothered by because i was 5'7" until i turned 38, then i shot up an inch. i'm medium build, nowhere near petite. i have hips, a behind and thighs, that sometimes fluctuate between workout periods. I don't fit into the tiny mold unless putting my elbow in it, counts. LOL
i'm so NON-SPECIFIC to a man's type, i cannot be defined by my presence. i'm regular in my eyes, but i DO have a problem w/sex appeal. it actually bothers me when men say i'm sexy. i know how to disguise it, but i can't turn it off. i wish i could because it draws an attraction that i prefer would be ignored. i met a guy once who only liked dark skinned girls but was "turned on" by my presence and wanted me. i wasn't flattered. it's a subtle, you can't put your finger on it, but you can see it, type of thing because i'm not broadcasting as many do. but sometimes i get overlooked too, don't get it twisted; i just always believed my promise from God was bigger than flesh eyes and a certain look. i'm now learning, i aimed too high w/my faith. i've also learned, people care more about how you LOOK w/them, than they care how you'll spend your LIFE w/them. presence over substance, always wins. so, even w/what i call, my little slice of appeal, the only guys who are willing to notice have one thought in mind. w/the exception of 2 solid male friends in my lifetime, one as a teen, one as an adult, i have YET to meet one face to face, who wanted the heart of me.. - 5 hours ago