What I’m changing: Exercise.
To build myself back up after this little lapse I’ve fallen into, I’ve really had to re-think my training and my time in the gym.
I’ve suffered from an exercise addiction in the past, and have definitely fallen victim to overtraining one too many times. After being diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue, I really did make an effort to cut back on my training, and I HAD been doing so well….
Unfortunately, as anxiety and body dysmorphia crept back into my headspace, I slowly started slipping back into old habits.
All of a sudden my newfound love for the stair master for a quick 10-15 minute warm-up or cool-down every now and then turned into 5 times a week either for 40 minutes (how?!) or 20 minutes of interval sprints.
My logbook for my workouts became less about tracking weights lifted, and more about noting calories burned.
I became obsessive again, and I spent the last 3-4 weeks doing mostly cardio-based workouts fuelled by all the wrong intentions.
I abused my body once again, and it’s felt fucking awful to say the least.
I love exercise, and I have come A LONG way with my relationship with it and how I use it to empower and improve my health and wellbeing. I just need to recognise that it’s still something I rely on to control and manipulate my mind and body when I’m feeling triggered.
This week I’ve already had 2 amazing workouts - because I’ve stripped them down, focused on the exercises I love, and reminded myself WHY I workout and what I want to FEEL and achieve from exercise.
I don’t want to feel constantly rundown, exhausted, sore and filled with dread.
I don’t want to look miserable, tired, flat and weak.
I want to be strong, fit, healthy and happy.
So every time I enter the gym from now on, that’s the gentle reminder I’m going to give myself - to workout for purpose and enjoyment, and not for self-desruction and despair.
I deserve better than to be worn down by my own bad habits 🏻 - 38 minutes ago