Today I walked a path I used to tread regularly back in 2013-2014. Almost every day I would smash out a 6.5km walk in around 35 minutes (for my imperial friends, that’s fast). At that time, I also hated my body. I was regularly skipping meals (in an unhealthy, self-flagellation, ‘you don’t deserve to eat’, kinda way). I was in a toxic relationship with someone who frequently remarked on my body like it was his playground and it should look the way he wanted it to. When that ended I seemingly replaced it with a toxic friendship with someone whose relationship to their body and fuelling it was worth concern.
I took it all in, like a sponge. I didn’t walk with joy, I walked with self-hatred. I didn’t notice the world around me, I was far too caught up in my own self-defeating thought patterns to notice much else.
Today I noticed so much on that walk that I don’t think I’d ever seen. Flowers, trees, smells, the cutest little houses, fresh architectural perspectives, other people, animals. It’s like I had been walking around with my eyes closed and it made me realise just how much yoga has transformed me.
I walked into a yoga studio wanting a new body. But instead I came out with new eyes with which to see, new ears with which to hear and a whole new perspective on who I am. Yoga has brought awe, wonder and gratitude into my life. What a gift!
Sometimes I still have those thoughts about wanting to ‘fix’ certain parts of me. But this body is a vehicle through which I can experience the world, and as far as my experience is concerned, I have been blessed.
I will continue to care and nurture this body for as long as it’s willing to carry me.
This is a photo of me in Paris, in the Père Lachaise. Looking back at this photo is a mix of emotions. I’m about 5-10 kilos (estimate) heavier than this now, yet I love my body so much more.
#fbf #flashbackfriday #perspective #love #selflove #selfacceptance #vulnerability #yoga #story #share #yogalove #yogalife #paris #europe #travel #usa #australia #melbourne #eating #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #journey #meditation #kindness #selfacceptance #reflection #bodyconfidence #bodypositive #eat #tbt #throwback - 3 days ago