I think what did the most damage of all was seeing the people I loved being made felt as disposable.
Everyone had been asked to be all in. To give it time and talents and energies and sanities for the sake of the cause.
And of course by doing that, You would be showing that you were committed. And for the sake of the movement, it was worth it.
But the moment anyone exposed any sign of inner struggle, contention, exhaustion, doubt, confusion, question, mental anguish, relational discourse, basically humanity,
suddenly that individual was no longer committed. That they had taken this opportunity for granted. And that someone else was there ready to take their place.
I wish I could say this wasn’t the case.
Or that I hadn’t seen it happen on multiple levels, in many places, to more than one person.
But. I can’t.
And that’s done the most damage of all. The manipulation, the hype, the worship of all things cool factor. The judgements. The arrogance.
And basically the icing on the cake was the silence that followed the fall out.
I’ve wanted to share this so badly because all the things I witnessed, and experienced, do not reflect the Jesus I’ve always known.
The fact that these things happened under a covering of him has really messed with my head.
But this is my attempt to begin separating the two.
So I can move forward with a healthy understanding of what was right and wrong regarding my faith and my relationship with God, which honestly is the only thing that even matters.
I wrote and shared over these last few days because I know I’m not the only one who’s been there or is there.
I don’t want to become
this bitter person.
That’s not me.
That’s not who God wants me to be.
So this is my first attempt of trying to start over. To begin again. To remove all the bs that was there before and try my best to move forward.
Thanks for following along with me... Bottom line:
Systems will keep you bound & limited.
Jesus will only ever set you free. - 13 hours ago