Why do so many relationships fail? Because we try to experience love through our fear based egoic self. Our ego is our false sense of self, an identity created by our environment; it's who we think we are supposed to be in order to fit in, gain acceptance, approval and validation from others so that we can belong to a community. Belonging to a community is part of our survival instinct, our community helps protect and support us. However, our ego is not who we really are, it's who we were taught to be. If you had been born in a different country, a different society or culture, your ego would be completely different; who you would believe yourself to be and what you would desire would be very different.
The nature of our ego is to conform and comply, if we resist or rebel, then we risk becoming an outcast. That makes our ego fear based, dependent on the approval and acceptance of others. That also means that our ego can be a coward and a bully; coward for needing the acceptance of others more than our own, for giving in and conforming instead of standing up for who we were before the world told us who we're supposed to be. Our ego then "bullies" us (and others) when it doesn't get the validation it needs by being critical, shaming, blaming or making us feel unlovable (that's the judgemental voice in your head). So, while the ego allows us to fit in and excel (adding to our value in the community), it can not be what leads us if we want a loving relationship because a true relationship can only be healthy if it is built on trust, honesty, empathy and acceptance of each other's true self. The ego loves selfishly, possessively, out of fear of loss. The ego says: "I don't really care about you, I only care about what you think of me." Love says: "I don't really care about what you think of me because I love you." If we want to experience true love, then we must love with our true self. We can't love through fear, we can't be a coward in love. Only the courageous experience an epic love.
-Joel Clemons • Relationship coach @the.gentleman.wolf
Photo credit: @kat_in_nyc - 5 days ago